3 types of people

In this world we live in, I have always had a problem with the people that inhabit it. I mean, really, unless your a dog, I probably have little civil feelings for you. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm going to go into a Walgreens and shoot up the place just to take you out, it just means that I tend to see people as stereotypes. I don't bother to look inside of a person when their outside is so ridiculous and obvious that even a mirror shutters. I've condensed all of my own stereotypes into 3 main groups: The Pretentious Hipster Dick, The Look At Me I Need Attention Whore, and of course The Upper-Middle Class Anarchist. Let's look at each of them!

 

The Pretentious Dick

      This specimen is a very common breed and can found anywhere, although they tend to congregate on college campuses, coffee shops, and Williamsburg, Brooklyn, NY. While they are not always outfitted in a lavender, deep-V shirt and ironic mustache, this is a common portrayal of the Pretentious Hipster Dick. 

      This breed lives and breathes and eats to bring you down a peg. If you have ever been on a high horse, this creature will knock you off of it and claim animal cruelty as well as tell you about a song about horses by a band you've probably never heard of all while sipping their free trade vanilla soy chai latte and staring at their facebook on their Macbook inside of a Starbook....er, Starbucks.

Examples of The Pretentious Dick: hipsters, philosophy/film/theater majors, vegans, British people, the rich and the rich who pretend they're poor, and Julian Assange.

The Look-At-Me I Need Attention Whore

      While not nearly as infuriating as The Pretentious Dick, The Look-At-Me I Need Attention Whore's are of greater quantity in the world therefore making them often more rage inducing. The picture above is not typical by any means of this specimen, but it is commonly found on college campuses and the bars around college campuses. This is the girl that flashes the band one minute and slaps her boyfriend for getting fresh the next.
      One of the easiest ways I've found to spot this creature when they are in disguise is to simply go to any Mexican restaurant. While you're searching through the numbered dinner specials and stuffing your face with chips and salsa, you'll hear a distinct sizzling sound. You'll smell cooked meat. Then you'll see it. Fajitas going to the attention whore at table 12. That's right, fajitas are the food of choice for The Look-At-Me I Need Attention Whore because what happens when fajitas are ordered at any Mexican restaurant? Everyone looks and everyone stares, jaw open, at the narcissistic customer who ordered such an attention grabbing dish.
Examples of The Look-At-Me I Need Attention Whore: drunk girls at bars, gay men, straight men when girls are present, people with subs in their cars, the cast of Jersey Shore.

The Upper-Middle Class Anarchist

      This final category of low-lifes can actually go by many names. Some call them rebels, others call them punks, still others can call them trust fund hippies or Ras Trents. No matter what you name it, this specimen is the epitome of a hypocrite. So mommy and daddy would rather buy your happiness rather than spend time with you, huh? How do you repay them? Pretend to be part of the dregs of society while living a double life with an unlimited supply of money. Shopping at Hot Topic doesn't make you an enemy of the state and bathing in patchouli oil doesn't make you one with the earth.

      In the picture we see more of the rebellious, punk version of The Upper-Middle Class Anarchist, but they can come in many different varieties. The kid drawn above spent his hefty allowance at the mall to buy black things. The left over cash will then be used to eat at Cinn-a-bon and buy cigarettes. Hardcore, d00d. Another familiar type of this creature is the trust fund hippie or "Ras Trent." Those who live in the mountains of North Carolina will immediately place these folks in such towns like Asheville and Boone. The Ras Trents spend their expendable income on djembes, Birkenstocks, and pot. When they're not busy playing hacky sack and sitting in drum circles, they spend their time mainly dissing the corporations that their parents probably work for. (Sometimes these kinds of Upper-Middle Class Anarchists can be confused with Pretentious Dicks).
Examples of The Upper-Middle Class Anarchist: hippies with money, thugs with money, punks with money.

 

Asshole Blogger

      The worst of the worst is pictured above. This is the Asshole Blogger that spends his days criticizing others and the way they choose to live their lives. This kind of creature is the most fowl of all the creatures listed here because not only does he hate others, but he does nothing about it but write derogatory statements about others on his blog that only 5 people follow.

      This specimen can usually be seen conversing and making friends with those he has slandered. Is he making a mockery out of others or himself? Perhaps he just enjoys a good laugh with others who choose to laugh with him. Either way, always steer clear of this Asshole Blogger because you never know when you could become new material.