My Christmas BuFu'd yours today.

And here's why.

Most of my peers and others who are in their mid 20's will most definitely remember this guy:

 

That's right! It's Bozo the Clown and as a child of the mid/late 80's and early 90's, this was THE show to watch. This show was filled with everything that made television good back in those days. It was a variety show where Bozo would interview tongue-tied kids, do skits with special guests of the show, throw a pie in his sidekick, Cookie's, face, and of course show a cartoon (normally it Popeye the Sailor). 

Now for all of you few who are reading this and are have crazy flashbacks of this show, then you will SURELY (don't call my Shirly) remember the best part of the show:

 

THE GRAND PRIZE GAME! The seemingly easy challenge of throwing ping pong balls into 6 buckets. The game was riddled with prizes, as every successful attempt won you a different prize. The first couple of buckets generally awarded a Bozo doll or balloon, then a Bozo cake, then some other I-gotta-have-it-so-I'll-forget-about-it-in-a-month toy. At bucket 4, though, shit got real. Bozo lost his mind and started giving kids new bikes, game systems, tv's, fuckin' 50 dollar bills, and the final bucket always awarded a trip to Space Camp or Universal Studios. I mean, this was essentially a syndicated public access show that obviously had deep, deep pockets. 

So, two post cards were drawn from a big spinning ball then a boy and a girl were picked randomly from the audience. The post cards represented a kid from somewhere else in the country who would win exactly what the corresponding player would win on the show. Now let me say this, most of the kids were complete shit at the throw-the-ball-in-the-bucket-that's-right-in-front-of-you game and I always felt bad for the unlucky kid watching at home as their dreams of going to Space Camp are crushed by the retarded, bi-focal clad kid who missed the first bucket. But when the winds blew east and the moon was high, a kid would make it through all the buckets, winning all of Bozo's toys, cakes, drug money, and trips, and then later on becoming a millionaire or something. My oh my, those were the days.

The reason I bring all of this up is to introduce you to my newest Christmas present. Because I am from North Carolina, going to the Bozo the Clown Show in Chicago was a bit difficult. I always dreamed of being able to play the Grand Prize Game and play it right. I would dominate and be the happiest kid in the world, but alas, distance kept me from my dreams. But now, almost two decades later, I have been given the gift that will keep on giving....

 

I am now the owner of my very own Grand Prize Game! Life at my house will never be the same as this game will become the deciding factor in many a household bickering. Who's doing the dishes? Grand Prize Game. Who's mowing the lawn? Grand Prize Game. Who's paying the bills? Grand Prize Game. Yes, life is going to be different for me from now own. Merry Christmas, everyone!